I have left out of my writing my lingering feeling of doubt that has been creeping upon me about who I truly am. I have only one goal, so far off I might never see it in my life time, and I have not even pondered any others. I have studied my arts and I am becoming quite powerful, but lack any true vision in their use. I am a husk without any real being. I also have become reckless without care for my own safety. What is it in being, well, what would be the right word? Grown-up, yes that would be it, have I grown any over the past months. Or am I the child that is looking for acceptance?

I went whoring (for lack of a better term) with a few of the others and was surprise that they all seem to enjoy themselves. I had thought that maybe Errol was a bit of a dainty but he seems right at home with the ladies. I lost a bet to Kestrel on that too. Vaugner was the first to pick his lady. I thought it funny that even in a room filled with women, all he could speak of was Terra. I had to push Kestrel a lot but I think he enjoyed himself. Or at least I hope he did because it was my gold we were spending. I had a great time, no thought about Gems of Power, or assassins springing out at us. It is a night that I will remember for a while.